We can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel! Hitting on cute people at bars, swiping enthusiastically with intent to bang, dates where you can reach out for a kiss. In the meantime, might as well make the sex we’re having with ourselves hot as hell!
Focusing on self-exploration boosts your understanding of what gets you going, brings you plenty of pleasure, and it’s a great self-soother and mood booster to help get us through lockdown. PLUS, it also helps reduce the spread of COVID-19 – and that is pretty dang sexy.
So, if you’re feeling a little bit uninspired to get into some self-loving, here are some ways to spice things up!
Exploring edging. You may have heard about edging before as a way to amp up the heat in both solo and partnered sexual encounters. In essence, edging is about coming very close to having an orgasm and then stopping right before you do. Definitely spicy. You can explore edging by yourself in a handful of different ways! When you’re almost at your peak, you can slow down the pace of your touches, decrease the pressure, or move away from touching your most sensitive areas. Edging can be super erotic in itself, and it can make your orgasms even more intense!
Exploring all erogenous zones - genitals and beyond. It can be easy to get into a rut with masturbation or solo sex of always going to the genitals for some quick n easy pleasure. But you can build the heat by making it a whole-body experience. Take some time to explore your ears, neck, thighs, face, chest, butt, and more. You can set a timer for how long to explore your body WITHOUT touching your genitals and turn it into a game or pull out some lotion or body oil to make the experience extra luxurious. Exploring different types of touch as well – tickling sensations, grabbing, massaging, stroking, kneading – can all increase the intensity. Expand the possibilities even further by incorporating toys. These can include nipple clamps or suckers, feather ticklers, butt plugs, paddles, and more.
Romance yourself! When the days blur together, it can feel hard to transition yourself into a sexy or sensual mood. One way to cue your body and work with your arousal response is to take yourself out on a date! Carve out some time away from your phone and other distractions to focus on yourself and your pleasure. Have a nice bath, treat yourself to some nice food or other substances, light some candles, get comfy in some cozy clean sheets. Check out Ev’Yan Whitney & Froetic Sexology for tips on tapping into your sensuality and building a sensual pleasure practice.
Sext a robot! Yes, you read that right! If you want to connect and built a sexy fantasy, there is a chatbot just for you! Slutbot is an amazing chatbot created by Juicebox that allows you to engage in sexting! Choose what gender you want to sext, if you'd like vanilla or kinky sexting, and have at it! It will also text you periodically with prompts and roleplay scenarios to help keep sexiness on your brain and allow you to sext regularly. Created by sex educators, this tool is perfect if you are itching to sext to but don’t want or have access to sexting another human being.
Location, location, location. This might seem like a simple suggestion but switching where you get into your self-loving can help masturbation feel totally new! Depending on your living situation this might look like laying down a blanket and pillows on your bedroom floor, having some bath or shower time fun, using a chair, or if you’re lucky, even jumping onto the kitchen counter.
Switch up positions! Switching up positions is an even easier way to spice things up if you want to stay in your usual spot. If you usually explore solo sex on your back, try it out on your side, back, stomach, bent over, crouching on a toy, or grinding on a pillow or toy. Have some pillows ready to get comfortable and expand your options.
Undress yourself. This tip comes from sexologist Dr. Lindsey Doe of the Sexplanations YouTube channel – and it’s to undress yourself like a lover! While we might be missing the physical presence of another person during lockdown, you can mimic the tactile experience by undressing yourself intentionally. This can either be slow and tender, leading into a romantic solo sex session or rough and passionate for some intense play.
Create an audience! Spice things up by dipping your toe into voyeurism and exhibitionism! Voyeurism is when you get aroused by watching others, and exhibitionism is when you get aroused by being watched by others. You can tap into this by simply masturbating in front of a mirror. If you want to amp it up, you can record video or audio of yourself having solo sex (and maybe throw in some dirty talk for good measure) or take some sexy selfies! Keep them for yourself or share them with others!
Explore JOI porn. If you are truly exhausted by the idea of having to lead your solo sex session – you can hand the reigns over to someone else! JOI stands for Jerk Off Instructions, and it’s a genre of porn where the performer guides you through exactly how to touch yourself. There are video and audio versions of JOI, so explore to your heart's content.
Purchase a sex worker’s digital offerings! There are so many sex digital offerings that you can purchase to keep it spicy! From custom clips (including JOI) or photos, cam sessions, or subscribing to someone’s OnlyFans or Patreon account – these are all great ways you can involve other people in your sexuality from a socially distant way away!
Explore a new type of erotic material! Have you ever explored erotic comics? Or erotic ASMR? Audio erotica? There is a whole world of erotic material that is so different from the mainstream porn designed for cisgender, heterosexual men and it’s just for you!!
Explore CBD/THC products. Last, but certainly not least – is CBD/THC sexual wellness products! The sexual wellness and cannabis industry has exploded in the last few years, and there are so many amazing CBD and THC wellness products out there! These include lubes and oils to increase blood flow to your genitals, increase relaxation and reduce pain, and provide unique sensations! While these tonics aren’t magic potions to blast your solo sex into another orbit all by themselves, they can be a fantastic addition to an intentional pleasure practice. Shop around and see what works best for you!
Eva Bloom (she/they) is a queer sexuality educator and sex science communicator. They aim to break down the rigid scripts around sexuality and affirm marginalized individuals to build their most authentic sex lives, feel at home in their identities, and have confidence in navigating their sexual health. She is the creator of the digital sexual wellness program "F*ck the Patriarchy, F*ck Yourself", as well as the webseries "What's My Body Doing" which has garnered more than 2.5 million views on YouTube.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash